“Mom, you’re being a little bit meaner than usual,” said my son, sniffling in the backseat.

UGH. He was right. 😮‍💨

We'd been running late (a stress trigger for me), he was emotional and having a hard time getting ready, I’d been up working since 5 a.m., and, in hindsight, I’d barely eaten anything.

Apparently you’re supposed to consume 5 billion grams of protein before drinking coffee. I usually do it the other way around... 5 billion grams of coffee first.

Anyway, none of my usual playful attempts were helping, and we just had to GO.

I heard myself tossing out empty threats, barking orders, and being short, snappy, and even though I didn't like how I was speaking to him, I didn’t have the capacity to stop myself.

Finally, when everyone was buckled into their carseats, that's when he told me I was being mean.

☝️ how I felt when he said that.

First I apologized, “You’re right, honey. I’m really sorry. Mommy is having a hard time today, but I don’t want to be mean to you.”

Then, I reached my hand into the backseat and said:

“I think I’ve been stuck in Grumpy Mommy Mode. Can you press my Nice Mommy Mode button?”

Boop!

“Hello! Who are you? Who am I?! WHERE AM I?!”

He cackled and pressed it again.

Boop!

“¡Hola! Me llamo Mommy. ¿Cómo estás?”

Eventually, he “pressed the right button” and Nice Mommy was back.

Then we played our little-kid version of Fortunately/Unfortunately, called Good News/Bad News, and made up a ridiculous story involving pumpkins and stegosauruses falling from the sky.

We were all laughing, even my 2yo who kept yelling "That's YUTTY!" (how she pronounces "yucky" 🥹).

We had an awesome rest of the day, until...

...he came up to me while I was brushing my teeth that night and asked again, “Mommy? Why were you being mean to me this morning?”

☝️ how I felt all over again!

As my therapist would say, he still had a little wound that needed more soothing. So I apologized again and told him I understood why he was still sad about it.

It would be easy to think, I guess the apology and playfulness didn’t “work.” He’s still hurt.

But!

Two things can be true. It doesn't always mean one matters more than the other. That laughter and connection still counted, too.

My invitation for you this week:

If you find yourself stuck in a version of yourself you don't particularly like, once you get a chance to catch your breath, try giving your kid an imaginary button that changes your “mode.”

Grumpy Mode. Robot Mode. Opera-Singing Mode. Spanish Mode.

Not to replace an apology or pretend the hard moment didn’t happen, but to reconnect with your child through and find some joy together, too!

Cheering you on always,

Mia

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